last friday night.

It's a friday night and I hate that I'm alone and that I'm not enjoying myself and that my hair looks perfect and no one is seeing it and that I only made $5. at work today and that everyone else is out getting drunk and I'm sober, but more than anything I hate that I have someone I could be doing so many things  with but I can't because he's 8 hours away from me. We can't go on dates every weekend. We can't kiss every day. This is getting so hard. But I love him too much to give up. This will work.

.

It's safe to say I absolutely despise myself.

the sun shines brighter when we're together, I swear

I miss having you so close to me I can match your breathing pattern, hear your heart beat.
I miss the butterflies-in stomach inducing feeling of your lips randomly meeting the top of my head while we're watching a movie or sleeping together.
and sleeping together, overall, is probably the thing I miss most. Being able to kiss you before drifting into   an 8 hour unconscious phase, and once I wake up I don't even need to open my eyes to know you're there, I can feel your warmth, I also snuggle into it more. 
It sucks not always having you here to spend all this time with. There's so much of it. I'd be so happy if your physical presence could continually grace at least 25% of it.
just come see me in jersey the next chance you get. please.

too many choices.

I'm so lost in all these different choices i have for what to do....with myself, with my life....
I just don't know.

every time you call me beautiful

I can feel my entire body smile<3

I just wanted to let you know....

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.♥

(and I know I will.)

I love you.

:)

4:34AM....

and I'm still working......
Borgata Casino in AC babyyy.
job: blehh
money: awesome
'sunrise' (death) shift: shit shift. fucking lame.
i'm so tired.
i feel sick.
i miss my boyf.
it's so cute when he goes out of his way to tell me i'm the most beautiful girl in the world<3
no matter how much of a bitch i am to him...(:
if i could go for a run right now, i'd be so ready to go for the next three hours and i just might make it out alive...but nope just gotta stand here. for.fucking.ever.

i think i'm going to north caroliney next month. i hope i am.
i just wish i could go home to chris like laying in bed, either asleep or waiting for me...that's what I know I'll be working so hard towards for then next like 6 months.
also, losing another 20lbs. kayspanksss.
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